physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
