at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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