i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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