The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
