We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Your penis caused this!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
