the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
