i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Boobs speak an international language.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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