i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
