Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
