a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
