I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
