So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
