Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
The air taste purple.
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