found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
