maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
