First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
