you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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