Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Randomize
