Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
