We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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