you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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