just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
