you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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