P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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