i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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