To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
