Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
