i think my tv is drunk
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
