she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
