every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
