you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He's a Shit stain on my heart
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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