Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
