you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
