you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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