She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm at about main and main street
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Randomize
