Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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