I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
