Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
