would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
