I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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