Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
