Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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