3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
