Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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