You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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