just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
