Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
