"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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