Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Damn victory sex feels great
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
