well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
