you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Acid is not a monday night drug
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
