Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
