he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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