On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
